Somebody's Nobody.

out-there-on-the-maroon:

kyanve:

thalassarche:

beyondthetemples-ooc:

cassiebones:

appropriately-inappropriate:

beytamacs:

breastforce:

“Particularly prone to serious procrastination problems are children who grew up with unusually high expectations placed on them…or else they exhibited exceptional talents early on, and thereafter “average” performances were met with concern and suspicion from parents and teachers.”

Holy SHIT

WELL THEN

Yep.

They actually tested me for a learning disability in high school because I was consistently failing math.

They discovered that I actually scored in the 80th percentile in that sort of learning.

Problem was, in every other subject, I was in the 99.8th percentile.

I had never learned how to study because I never needed to—and then, when something proved to be even the slightest bit challenging, my brain went

“LOL nope this is impossible abort”

Meanwhile, this entire time I’m scraping by in subjects like English. The assignments I did turn in, I’d score top marks—but I’d avoid turning in projects I didn’t think were “good” enough.

Essentially, my brain had two settings: “100%” or “0%”.

This sort of Baby Genius shit makes kids and adolescents neurotic and self-destructive.

We learned about this in Child Development. And we learned to reward hard work and not good job. Like don’t say to a child, “oh you are so smart.” Say “Oh did worked so hard.”

Be proud of the child, not the achievement.

Be proud of the child, not the achievement.

Decades of research have been done on this by Dr. Carol Dweck. When the emphasis is placed on effort (a factor people can control) rather than talent (an innate skill), it’s a lot easier to see mistakes as a learning opportunity rather than something you just won’t ever be good at. And kids who were encouraged by effort were also more willing to take on more challenging work and considered it a lot more fun, while the kids who were praised for their intelligence were reluctant to put themselves in a situation where they might lose that identifier as a “smart kid” by making mistakes, so they preferred to do work they were confident they could master. Also, the kids praised for effort wanted to compare their results to kids who got higher scores, to see where they made their mistakes, while those praised for intelligence wanted to compare their results to kids who scored lower, to reassure themselves.

Not only does this set up “smart” students for a lot of trouble when they enter college and start being regularly challenged, the effects last long beyond that. It can be very hard for the “you’re so smart!” kids to unlearn as they become adults and struggle with even common adult things, and are afraid to ask for help because of that lesson they learned from misguided praise that they are supposed to be smart and supposed to know the answers. 

…Honestly +1 here.  It’s very well researched and documented and yeah.  Making the emphasis on “You succeed and we are proud of you b/c you are SMART as an intrinsic quality!” makes failure/setbacks/difficulty -TERRIFYING- b/c if you’re “smart” it doesn’t happen and if you fail that means you’re not smart and that’s what everyone’s drilled into you as your main point of worth.

And the rates of anxiety disorders among “gifted student” kids are kinda horrifying.    

I mean, if all your life you’re told “you’re so smart!” by teachers, parents, friends, etc., when you run into a situation you can’t just glide through like normal … you kind of go into this personal crisis of identity thing. Like: 

You can’t do this. So you aren’t smart. But everyone’s always said you’re smart. But you’re not smart anymore. So … what are you?

Not a fun time.

(via chrysunthemum)

scullyseviltwin:

Wayde Van Niekerk is an amazing runner, but his 74 year old female coach and his dynamo mother who couldn’t compete internationally because of apartheid? Come on. Amazing. Just amazing.

As someone who suffers from chronic illness, I’m not allowed to drive so I use Uber ALOT
This can get super costly as I’m still a student

Please use my Uber code to get $$$ off your next ride, and you’ll be helping me out too!
Code: yaakirakue

donna-marieriley:

(after Jonathan Safran Foer)

How many people have you kissed whose names you don’t remember? Do you use more than the advised amount of softener when you do laundry? Where would you go if no one had to know you were there? If you are reading a book and the book stirs something deep inside you, and nobody is around to hear it, do you still make a sound? When you are faking eye contact, do you look at someone’s eyebrows, mouth, or nose? What is your mother’s maiden name? Do you know where your house keys are right now? Are you first to sadness or to anger? How many texts that you haven’t replied to are currently in your inbox? Does this mean you are too popular or too distant? If you had to watch a montage of all the worst things you’ve ever done, would you still be able to sleep that night? Do you check your shoes for spiders before you put them on? Are you ever afraid you’re not very good at kissing? Is there anything cruel about love? Is there a rule against laughing insincerely? If there was, would you still break it? When you think of your family home, why are there so many ashtrays? Why does rage flood through you? When you think of the person you’ve loved most in this world, why do your hands start shaking? Who ever taught you to tie your shoelaces? If you were offered all the happiness in this lifetime in exchange for the next not having any, would you forsake your future self in order to benefit this one? If you’re caught on a bridge and there’s no way forward and no way back, is there still a way off it? If you answered no, have you had too few tragedies? If you answered yes, have you had too many or are you assuming the fall won’t kill you? Is your best story your own story? Is there ever a moment at the end of the day when you are fully at peace with yourself? If you had to write your own eulogy, would you make your own mother cry? Do you apologize too much? Do you apologize enough? Whose face do you think of when I say the word regret? Would you give up having children for a better childhood of your own? What is the best way to nurse a large and brutal heartache? Do your dreams reveal you? Can you miss someone you haven’t met yet? What ever happened to your baby teeth? If you run away from all your problems, does it still count as exercise? What’s the most awful thing you’ve ever done to another human? If someone made you answer all these questions, and you had to be truthful, could you still look them in the eye afterwards? If someone made you answer all these questions, and you had to be truthful, would you be grateful to unload it all? If you had to answer, and you had to be truthful, who would you want to be asking the questions?

(via donna-marieriley-deactivated202)